Sensuality vs Sexuality in Photography

There’s a saying that states a picture is worth a thousand words. If so belly dance photography could fill volume upon volume. Every dance generation had their look that represented the mind frame and issues of their time. Photography can tell us so much about our history and show us how far we have come and how far we still have to go. Either way, women have always had the ability to cause a stir when it comes to posing for photos.
If you look at Mata Hari, she was a woman ahead of her time but she also paid the price for her eccentric and bold behavior. Are we still paying the same price even to this day? If Mata Hari knew her demise would she have continued life as usual? Would any of us today change how we present ourselves if we knew the cost down the line? These questions led me to look at our dance image in photography and how influenced we are by society standards and our own.

For what purpose do we photograph ourselves? Is it empowerment caught forever in a photo or is it a moment where we allow ourselves to be sensual women? An image can provoke many emotions within society. The big question is what responsibility do we have to society to represent an image that is acceptable and respectable. The belly dance costume throughout history has become a symbol portraying us as the seductress or temptress. Let’s look at Salome for example. The chance that she “belly danced” was slim because of the etiquette of her day and dancing like she is portrayed in movies would have ruined her chances for marriage. But history says she belly danced and requested to have John the Baptists head cut off. Belly dance through history became an accessory with
Salome when in fact her dance style would have been more acrobatic. My point is that many artists through out history have painted the famous scene of Salome dancing which ultimately made her a symbol of seduction. So a painting or photograph can be a powerful influence on the minds of society. This can also lead us to contradictions regarding our image. How can we have a respectable image when our legacy is already tainted?

Cleopatra embodies all the elements that most women thrive to achieve. Her name alone can cause the imagination to run wild. Is this not the same reaction we want people to have when they see our photographs? If you look at websites and magazines you will see a variety of photographs of various dancers in sensual poses. A dancer can convey many messages with her body positioning which can lead the viewer to think her message isn’t just sensual but sexual. So photographs are used to get a certain message across to as many viewers as possible. So what happens when our message is portrayed in a well thought out photograph and the end result is not sensual but sexual? Where does sensuality and sexuality cross? The definition of sensuality is; the capacity for enjoying the pleasures of the senses. The definition of sexuality is; the state of being sexual.
So what if the two were combined together than that would mean that we enjoy our sense of being sexual. Is this bad? Cleopatra was aware of her sexual influence and as a woman ruler she used this to her advantage. In our day and age don’t we do the same but in a different way?

Isadora Duncan wrote:

“Virtuous people are simply those who have not been tempted sufficiently, because they live in a vegetative state, or because their purposes are so concentrated in one direction they have not had the leisure to glance around them.”

Isadora Duncan was also ahead of her time because she had many relationships and was an unfortunate drunk in her later years. The one thing I noticed about Isadora Duncan is that her personal life never showed in her photos and she was a true artist to the end (tragic as it was). So in Isadora Duncan’s case, her message was never misunderstood just like with Cleopatra. The difference is one used her sexuality and the other used her sensuality. Either way the image of both women whether it is in paintings or photographs depict images that invoke women from all over the world to try and emulate them. So what this says to me is that we want a little bit of both when we create our photograph image.

Our individual images in photographs are a big part in selling our dance ability to the masses. How do we choose an instructional DVD if we are not familiar with the teacher? The front cover says so much about her ability as a dancer and teacher. So when I worked with my videographer for my first instructional DVD, we decided to use a photograph with me dancing with a color format that would appeal to the eye. The artistry behind creating any image is essential in having a photograph that impacts our target market. So in the end we are selling both our dancing and our image. Both have to appeal to the masses in order for us to be a success.

Joseph Jaworski states:

“We do not describe the world we see, but we see the world we describe.”

How far can any belly dancer push her image and make it acceptable not only for our community but for the outside world? If too much sexuality is shown in a photograph does it affect the way our community sees the dancer? The reason why I am asking is because there can be so much insinuated in a pose. A seductive look can imply something that never crossed the mind of the dancer.
Anyone can make a photograph mean and represent whatever they want it to.
So what a dancer says in a photograph is powerful and can affect many people.

A William Shakespeare quote says it well:

“There’s language in her eye, her cheek, her lip,
Nay, her foot speaks, her wanton spirit looks out
at every joint and motive of the body.”

Society can create a double standard for anything it wants. Is our image as dancers facing this double standard not only from society but from our own community? Back in the 1960’s and 1970’s the LP covers were very provocative especially in regards to the poses of many of the belly dancers. Some of the costumes had slits up the thigh showing only skin and see through skirts and there is even a dancer with no skirt on at all. We don’t dress this way today and costumes of today have a more designer look to them. It’s evident that our fashion sense has changed through out the years but how about our attitude toward provocative poses and skin? As women in a very unique and ancient dance form I feel it is important to show in photography how we have changed through out history. These photographs are “our” lineage and they show the world what and who we are. Perhaps because of issues with self image and the Playboy era we have wanted to say, “We are different”. We don’t have to take our clothes off in photographs to get across that we are sensual and sexual women. On the other hand I myself love photographs that show a part of a leg or shoulder and the back.

As Mae West once said:

“I speak two languages, Body and English.”

So perhaps without knowing it we have taken all of our trials and tribulations as women and found the perfect outlet to express our feelings and thoughts about the world around us. Dance expressed through the body demonstrates those wordless poems that can only be conveyed with emotional and passionate motion.
Photographs that capture these emotions through movement, poses and attitude, than become timeless and a way we make “our” mark on the world.

Agnes De Mille:

“To dance is to be out of yourself, larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”



When I’m on stage I often feel naked because all of me is being expressed through my dance. So my image on stage is many things including the sensual and sexual. Today I have found peace with both therefore my photographs show the viewer the woman that I am and the dance that I represent. Photography shows how comfortable I am with myself. So do we critique photographs by how comfortable or uncomfortable we are with our own body image? It’s only natural to do so. In the end how we view photography says a lot about how we live our lives and feel about ourselves. There is no right or wrong way to view photography. And since your body is a representation of your life impression, photography is what you want it to be. One of my favorite quotes says it well:

Religion says: The body is a sin.
Science says: The body is a machine.
Advertising says: The body is a business.
The Body says: I am a fiesta.
Eduardo Galeano
Sun, May 4, 2008 - 7:25 AM — permalink - 6 comments - add a comment
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Interesting where we find ourselves..........
I enjoy listening to the Goddess...........just sometimes when she says do something and I do it....there's no instructions!
I find myself holding on looking around realizing I need instructions!
Sat, May 3, 2008 - 11:16 PM — permalink - 1 comments - add a comment
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The Vision Quest
One day years ago my soul spoke to me..........she was hungry. It was not a hunger that anything from this world could satisfy, it was a hunger that filled me and made me empty inside. When your soul speaks to you, she whispers in your ear constantly until you feed her. As the days passed I couldn't rest and my nights were sleepless. I would wake up and look at the stars and moon wondering what was wrong with me.

I was told that I was shedding the old me like a snake sheds its skin and preparing for the new me. For my completion into the new me, I was told I would need to do a vision quest. It was believed Spirit wanted to talk to me and I needed to present myself to the Grandfathers.

This is not an easy task as I found out. I made Spirit pouches and each one had a prayer in it. The Spirit pouches were filled with tobacco and there were over 200 tied together to create a continual prayer and circle. I than had to go into the mountains and find my sacred space where I would present myself to Spirit.

To prepare for the presentation you fast and meditate, thinking of questions. My soul was so hungry that I had hundreds and hundreds of questions. I thought how could Spirit (God) answer all my questions?

The morning came when I was led to my sacred space following a Medicine man who was to watch over me through out my vision quest.
I watched the Medicine man walk away and I looked around seeing only trees, hearing birds in the distance feeling naked and alone.

My vision quest was for 3 days and 3 nights with only water and no food.

As I sat in my circle, I realized that my soul had lost her voice. She didn't know where to begin or how to present herself to Spirit. I realized how insignificant I really was....perhaps this was because nature is one of his greatest masterpieces and she surrounded me showing no mercy.

The days were hot and the nights were cold and there I sat in my sacred space trying to talk to Spirit. How could my soul lose her voice? Was it that I didn't feel worthy to be in his presence?

I slept restlessly and found that the nights were full of little surprises. Little pebbles were being thrown my way with little foot steps running away from me. At moments I thought I heard laughter and whispering from all around me. The darkness engulfed me and offered no refuge. Was that a growl? Was that a branch snapping in the distance? My mind told me to get up and run but my soul said to stay.
By the third day I was running a fever and I lay down and finally my soul found her voice and said, "You know already what I ask, tell me what I need to know".

The light changed and as I looked in front of me a woman in white walked up to me. She smiled and told me she was my spirit guide. Her hair was in long black braids and she wore feathers in her hair. She said that my questions had been answered that I only had to look in my heart to find them. She said that I had completed my vision quest and Spirit was pleased. She gave me my new Medicine name "Morning Bear" and she than put her hand on my forehead and I awoke from my vision.

I stood up realizing I could go now and noticed that there was a quiet calm around me. It was as if nature herself recognized the new me. The Medicine man knew my vision quest was over and was waiting for me. He smiled and that was all that was communicated between us. I looked back at my sacred space one more time and realized that the old me was still in the circle. It was good to let her go.

I have taken this gift with me through out my dancing. I share this story with all you so that through out your journey in belly dance you will know it is only natural to grow and change. Create a sacred space and remember to ask Spirit for guidance.

And sometimes it's OK to let go.
Thu, April 17, 2008 - 8:38 PM — permalink - 4 comments - add a comment
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War Bonnet


Years ago when I was nineteen I was introduced to my wedding gift, a mare called War Bonnet. Actually to tell you the truth I was told that if I married my ex-husband that War Bonnet would be mine. Looking back I can see that without the enticement of War Bonnet I probably would have declined the proposal. It’s not that I am so shallow, it was just that War Bonnet and I connected and she was a one in a million horse.
Saying that she and I were green as grass is an understatement. But on the other hand she was an appaloosa/quarter horse with the heart of an old soul.

We learned how to work cattle together. Both of us nervous as heck every morning when we would ride out but relaxing as the day ended because we held our own. What was so unusual about her was that I used a hackamore on her and not a bit. She learned to rein with my signals and grumblings and a few swear words here and there. Her ears would go back when she would get mad at me and I would crack up laughing. It was just our way of communicating with each other.

One of my fondest memories of War Bonnet was one of the first round ups either one of us had been on. We worked on a ranch that was thousands of acres with experienced cowboys that looked like they had just stepped out of a John Wayne movie.
On one particular morning we all woke up way before dawn to get a good head start on the day. I thought I was going to die because nobody in their right mind gets up at 4:00 in the morning! But a good breakfast prepared us for the ride in the cold morning air. We gathered around with horses breathing hard with anticipation in the air. Breaking away from the group we than made our way to the designated locations to round up the Mexican steers scattered all about the ranch.
There’s nothing like watching the earth wake up and to see the sun cast his first rays of light on the mountains. As if on queue, the birds started to sing letting everyone know it was time to wake up. Yes, now I know why I woke up so early.
As the morning wore on we gathered up cattle everywhere we went with only a mountain in the distance as a landmark. I was enjoying myself when it finally happened……I had to work a section of the ranch by myself and any cattle I found I had to head them toward the mountain in the distance. My heart was pounding and War Bonnet started to get anxious. She knew we were on our own. Little did I know that it was decided earlier to let me go out on my own to see if I could handle myself like the guys. So off War Bonnet and I went into the unknown ready to do our part and to successfully fulfill our task. Actually we were both scared !@#$#!less.
One hour passes and than two hours pass and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of any cattle. Smiling to myself I thought, “Well this was easy”. War Bonnet was pretty proud of herself too. We were just about to boast to ourselves when all of a sudden we came across a large group of cattle at a watering hole.
“Damn!”
Ok we can handle this. Now for those of you who don’t know cowboy etiquette, there is a certain call each cowboy has when he finds cattle and gets them up and moving along. Each call or sound is unique and says a lot about the cowboy.
Hum…….what was mine? Hell if I knew but I knew I had to come up with something quick. As I was sitting there thinking, War Bonnet was telling me with her gestures that she didn’t care what I came up with just to get something out so we can get on our way!
“Ok……I think I can do this…..oh damn”!
Little did I know that I had been followed by a group of the cowboys and they were hiding on a ridge watching me figure out what I was going to say. The cattle didn’t budge and looked at me with disdain in their eyes.
Alright here I go………
To this day I don’t know why this particular word came to my mind, maybe it’s a girl thing. But I gathered all my confidence and strength and yelled out “Shoo!!!”
You would have thought that lightning struck the very ground where War Bonnet and I were standing on. The cattle took off at a thunderous roar and I was so pleased with myself. That was until I could hear laughter from the ridge behind me. The group of cowboys watching me came over to where we stood laughing hysterically with tears in their eyes saying that was the funniest thing they had ever seen.
War Bonnet’s ears went back and I think mine did too. Her tail went up in the air and if I would have had one, mine would of too. With a flick of her tail we trotted off ignoring the laughter and feeling relieved that we had at least done our part. I was left wondering why the Hell of all the words I could have used why I used that word!

Thu, April 10, 2008 - 7:37 PM — permalink - 5 comments - add a comment
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Belly Dance and the Feminine Image

History shows us through paintings that the veil came to symbolize the untouchable and tantalizing appeal of women in the Middle East. To show just a little part of the body was alluring enough to cause men to pine for women’s affection. If we look at 19th Century paintings of various scenes of women dancing, the look of the belly dancer is quite refined. The distinctive folds in the belt or the accessories from the ankle all the way to the headpiece tell the individual story of each dancer. This is how dancers from the past to the present set themselves apart from their contemporaries.
I can remember seeing “Cleopatra” starring Elizabeth Taylor for the first time and thinking how beautiful the costumes were and how much fun they would be to dance in. “Samson and Delilah” with Hedy Lamarr is my all time favorite biblical movie and her costumes inspire me even to this day. Claudette Colberts costume in the 1934 “Cleopatra” looks like a costume of today. Hollywood had very unusual ideas about what the women from the Middle East wore. But if we look back through time the belly dance costume really hasn’t changed all that much. This really surprised me because as I was doing my research it became apparent to me that when you have a good design it’s hard to improve on it.

Recently I danced with a wonderful group of performers who were Asian dancers. Their costumes were amazing and I have to admit that I felt a little out of place in my cabaret costume. Their movements were very subtle and their gestures very soft and poetic. Which made me wonder what kind of poetry would belly dancing be? When it was time for me to perform I realized that our music really says a lot about our image. My costume was like magic because it made me feel free enough to dance and tell our story within my movements and gestures. In some ways I felt an obligation to relate to the audience that what I do as a dancer and performer is serious and respected. But I have to question why I even felt the need to defend my costume and dance form. The dancers with their movements almost seemed to speak to me teasingly asking me why I wasn’t covered more. Maybe I was just hearing my own voice questioning this. After I finished my dance the response I received overwhelmed me. It became apparent to me that because of the difference of my costume and dance the audience was able to appreciate the culture that I represented. Costuming really does make the difference for people. It’s almost as if the audience can see the story within our movements all the while watching our costumes accenting each word danced through our bodies.

Years ago when I was in Cairo I was able to see Zuhair Zaki dance live and as I look back I realize how lucky I was to have seen such a legend perform. Zuhair Zaki is the total sum of what the belly dance image is for me. Every movement told a story and helped me “hear” the music. I was taught a very good lesson that night because I saw what a masterful dancer can do with music. I also saw Zuhair Zaki become the essence of belly dance as she performed. It wouldn’t have mattered what she wore or where she was. The spirit of the dance was in her and you could see it and feel it. These are those spiritual moments that change you forever!
A few weeks later I saw Dina perform and was totally surprised at the sexual innuendos that emanated from her dance. The image of belly dance changed that night for me because I had assumed that provocative gestures were not allowed. Actually let me take it a step further, I didn’t think it was necessary. But somehow Dina made it work for her and as I watched her performance I saw that she did a wonderful job. Her sexuality never got in the way of her performance. It enhanced her movements and I understood at that moment that Dina chose to dance free of any inhibitions or restraints her world put on her.

As a modern woman I often wonder how close my image is to women back hundreds of years. Our evolution as women has never been more evident than in the belly dance world. If we look at the dance of the seven veils the removal of the veils represent seven earthly illusions that fall away with each veil. In order for us to become the total feminine archetype in myth these veils must fall from us so we can transcend into the Goddess. As with all myths I wondered what these seven veils of illusion were because I had a suspicion that we may still be portrayed within this myth today. It became apparent to me that each illusion had an opposite side to it. So here’s my version of the seven illusions.
1. The Virgin-Temptress
Many dancers have both abilities to enchant their audiences by offering the untouchable innocence of movement combined with eye contact that teases with a fleeting look.
2. Intrigue-deception
The ability to captivate our audience is a major part of our story telling but with all stories we must tell the audience that what intrigues them is only an illusion. This in itself can be perceived as a deception because we work so hard on the illusion that at moments it may become real.

3. Mother-Sex Goddess
Both of these describe the dilemma all women come across through out their careers. While we dance as women who understand what it means to carry and give life we are also expected to be proficient in the art of love. The illusion for most people is that we can be both but they want the two separate.
4. Wise woman-Childlike Innocence
The knowledge a dancer puts in her performing sets her apart from the average dancer. Knowledge is power and our movements speak volumes in regards to our history. The illusion here is that while we dance with experience our audiences to a certain degree want a virtuous dancer that will give them an unsullied look at our dance.
5. Wife-Mistress
In our dance we are compelled to perform from places of the heart. At least some of our music has this impassioned theme in certain songs. As women we feel the need to complete ourselves which is why we search for our mate. The mistress on the other hand is compelled to search outside of this completion which in itself is the wife’s mirror opposite. We distance ourselves from the mistress personification yet in the eyes of our admirers the hope is that they get a glimpse of her.
6. Muse-transmutation
Poetry and music speak of the dancer that takes her audience to places of sublime heights. As dancers we are the muses of our times. At the same time we experience the audience that doesn’t understand our dance and they try to alter it to fit their perception of the world. We than become a misunderstood version of our own poetry.
7. Diva-modest maid
A dancers self confidence has to come across to the audience or they will be sorely disappointed. Many fans expect a confident woman during and after shows. Yet I have found that dancers can almost believe too much in their personas that they create. We can get caught up in this illusion just as much as anybody. The catch here is to know when to turn your dance persona on and off.

As belly dancers we inspire so much in people and our allure isn’t just the pretty costume, it is what we signify as women.
My question is do we understand what it is that we represent for so many? I have worked with a few women who were disassociated from their body image. They had no clue how beautiful they were because they bought into mixed messages from the media and cultural attitudes. How comfortable are we in the position of the archetype for today’s women? If we can’t get past the door of self appreciation, than I don’t see us in the forefront of today’s feminine society. Let us not forget how immeasurable we are as women. Our dance helps us create our own personal myth in which we than can escape into our own feminine image.

I have often wondered that after creating our feminine image, do we than transform gradually into her? Isn’t this really what belly dance does? We heal and than become the women we are intended to be. This is how I believe the essence of belly dance lives and thrives through each generation of women. If we can understand our own image than we can be living examples of what belly dance is and the veils of illusion than become nothing more than invisible restraints that disappear through our own transformation. In this sense we than are reborn into women, who are comfortable in their own body, mind and spirit. And there is no better way to express our dance than by embracing who we are and dancing with veils of our choice.

Tue, April 8, 2008 - 9:07 PM — permalink - 3 comments - add a comment
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For your information....................
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,

NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED!.

For 2008, could you please just send money, BEER, chocolate, movie tickets, gasoline vouchers and airline tickets ... ,
Thank You! Oh, and you don't have to pass this on to a damn soul if you don't want to. I love you, so I'm just going to say right now, I wish you the best ALWAYS!

Tue, April 1, 2008 - 8:53 PM — permalink - 8 comments - add a comment
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The Business side of a Spiritual Path
Most dancers will tell you that belly dancing is a spiritual awakening of the soul. Others awaken from a deep sleep and learn what it is like to really live. For myself I became a little girl again and understood what becoming a woman was really all about.
With each move we learn, grow and when we put together combinations and create dances and choreographies we show the world our knowledge of who we are. Each choreography represents our path and how much we change with the seasons. Dance gives us that connection to mother earth but what happens when we become successful and we forget our purpose?
As of lately I have felt that I have forgotten my dance purpose which started out as a passion so intense that it engulfed my life and choices. I did it because there was nothing else I knew I was suppose to be doing. Today as a woman older and wiser I smile at this younger version of myself and wish I had half her determination.
It's not so much that I don't feel the passion, it's just that I have had to become a business woman to keep my dance going. I enjoy what I do, I just realized that sometimes the spiritual path takes a back seat to the business side of dance.
I've been wondering of late if the two can co-exist with each other or if by nature they need to be separate?
If we look at Cleopatra she was a good business woman. Egypt prospered under her rule and she was the embodiment of Isis through out her life. Perhaps there is much to learn from this because our temples never die out if we carry within us the fires of our passions.
After so many years I am wondering if my temple fires were forgotten. And I think it happened slowly so I didn't see them ebb. Looking back at where I stand today I can see that the one thing that was so natural for me to keep going when I was young became the same old routine as I got older. The fires didn't change.......I did.
It occurred to me that what I have to pass on to dancers that come my way is a way to keep their fires burning.
It became clear to me that our spiritual path has to be full of our hopes, aspirations and dreams. The business side helps to make all of these a reality. So in a way they co-exist together as a parallel team. So keep the passion that burns inside you fresh and new. Remember the best part of your path is the journey along the way. Just remember why you walk your path so that you always keep inside the reason for dancing. When you make your dreams come true the business side just reinforces that you have always been on the right path.
Thu, March 27, 2008 - 8:00 PM — permalink - 7 comments - add a comment
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Egypt Reborn
I was watching the "Mummy" again for the upteenth time and realized why I love this movie so much is because it reminds me of my days in the early 90's when I was living in Cairo. The soul of Egypt takes hold of you and she never lets you go. She stays inside of you and lingers always reminding you that to exist without her is not existing at all. So she possessed me and lives inside me.

I have never been more at home in any place than Egypt. The market place will always be my favorite place to visit. The smells, sounds and whispers of every day life and life lived for thousands of years walks with you everywhere you go. It's like the past, present and future have no idea that they must exist seperate. They come together and create timelessness. I think that is why I felt so alive because I existed for the day and lived life to its fullest as each moment passed.

To say traveling to Egypt is a spiritual experience is an understatement. She is the cornerstones of time and her soul encompasses the spiritual, mystical and magical. All three exist together and create the divine elixer of life.
You can feel Isis, Bastet, Hathor, Sekhmet and Maat surround you embracing you whispering untold secrets. I found this perplexing especially since the male energy is so dominant. Considering Egypt has had some of the most poweful women rulers in history I have come to understand that the backward view of women is in contradiction to her history.
Perhaps this is why dance has survived and has become such an integral part of her history. Through dance can the Goddess survive and reach people. She can entice, heal, and cast her spell apon the masses through dance. The possession that Egypt takes hold on the body is no simple matter. I taste, smell, hear and see the old ways every time I dance.
As the "Mummy" movie ended I realized that Egypt gave me treasures beyond what I realized; she showed me apart of herself and welcomed me home. And since home is where the heart is she knew that she would be reborn in each dancer. Smart Lady!
Sat, March 15, 2008 - 3:12 PM — permalink - 3 comments - add a comment
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Sensuality Versus Sexuality in Photography
There’s a saying that states a picture is worth a thousand words. If so belly dance photography could fill volume upon volume. Every dance generation had their look that represented the mind frame and issues of their time. Photography can tell us so much about our history and show us how far we have come and how far we still have to go. Either way, women have always had the ability to cause a stir when it comes to posing for photos.
If you look at Mata Hari, she was a woman ahead of her time but she also paid the price for her eccentric and bold behavior. Are we still paying the same price even to this day? If Mata Hari knew her demise would she have continued life as usual? Would any of us today change how we present ourselves if we knew the cost down the line? These questions led me to look at our dance image in photography and how influenced we are by society standards and our own.

For what purpose do we photograph ourselves? Is it empowerment caught forever in a photo or is it a moment where we allow ourselves to be sensual women? An image can provoke many emotions within society. The big question is what responsibility do we have to society to represent an image that is acceptable and respectable. The belly dance costume throughout history has become a symbol portraying us as the seductress or temptress. Let’s look at Salome for example. The chance that she “belly danced” was slim because of the etiquette of her day and dancing like she is portrayed in movies would have ruined her chances for marriage. But history says she belly danced and requested to have John the Baptists head cut off. Belly dance through history became an accessory with
Salome when in fact her dance style would have been more acrobatic. My point is that many artists through out history have painted the famous scene of Salome dancing which ultimately made her a symbol of seduction. So a painting or photograph can be a powerful influence on the minds of society. This can also lead us to contradictions regarding our image. How can we have a respectable image when our legacy is already tainted?

Cleopatra embodies all the elements that most women thrive to achieve. Her name alone can cause the imagination to run wild. Is this not the same reaction we want people to have when they see our photographs? If you look at websites and magazines you will see a variety of photographs of various dancers in sensual poses. A dancer can convey many messages with her body positioning which can lead the viewer to think her message isn’t just sensual but sexual. So photographs are used to get a certain message across to as many viewers as possible. So what happens when our message is portrayed in a well thought out photograph and the end result is not sensual but sexual? Where does sensuality and sexuality cross? The definition of sensuality is; the capacity for enjoying the pleasures of the senses. The definition of sexuality is; the state of being sexual.
So what if the two were combined together than that would mean that we enjoy our sense of being sexual. Is this bad? Cleopatra was aware of her sexual influence and as a woman ruler she used this to her advantage. In our day and age don’t we do the same but in a different way?

Isadora Duncan wrote:

“Virtuous people are simply those who have not been tempted sufficiently, because they live in a vegetative state, or because their purposes are so concentrated in one direction they have not had the leisure to glance around them.”

Isadora Duncan was also ahead of her time because she had many relationships and was an unfortunate drunk in her later years. The one thing I noticed about Isadora Duncan is that her personal life never showed in her photos and she was a true artist to the end (tragic as it was). So in Isadora Duncan’s case, her message was never misunderstood just like with Cleopatra. The difference is one used her sexuality and the other used her sensuality. Either way the image of both women whether it is in paintings or photographs depict images that invoke women from all over the world to try and emulate them. So what this says to me is that we want a little bit of both when we create our photograph image.

Our individual images in photographs are a big part in selling our dance ability to the masses. How do we choose an instructional DVD if we are not familiar with the teacher? The front cover says so much about her ability as a dancer and teacher. So when I worked with my videographer for my first instructional DVD, we decided to use a photograph with me dancing with a color format that would appeal to the eye. The artistry behind creating any image is essential in having a photograph that impacts our target market. So in the end we are selling both our dancing and our image. Both have to appeal to the masses in order for us to be a success.

Joseph Jaworski states:

“We do not describe the world we see, but we see the world we describe.”

How far can any belly dancer push her image and make it acceptable not only for our community but for the outside world? If too much sexuality is shown in a photograph does it affect the way our community sees the dancer? The reason why I am asking is because there can be so much insinuated in a pose. A seductive look can imply something that never crossed the mind of the dancer.
Anyone can make a photograph mean and represent whatever they want it to.
So what a dancer says in a photograph is powerful and can affect many people.

A William Shakespeare quote says it well:

“There’s language in her eye, her cheek, her lip,
Nay, her foot speaks, her wanton spirit looks out
at every joint and motive of the body.”

Society can create a double standard for anything it wants. Is our image as dancers facing this double standard not only from society but from our own community? Back in the 1960’s and 1970’s the LP covers were very provocative especially in regards to the poses of many of the belly dancers. Some of the costumes had slits up the thigh showing only skin and see through skirts and there is even a dancer with no skirt on at all. We don’t dress this way today and costumes of today have a more designer look to them. It’s evident that our fashion sense has changed through out the years but how about our attitude toward provocative poses and skin? As women in a very unique and ancient dance form I feel it is important to show in photography how we have changed through out history. These photographs are “our” lineage and they show the world what and who we are. Perhaps because of issues with self image and the Playboy era we have wanted to say, “We are different”. We don’t have to take our clothes off in photographs to get across that we are sensual and sexual women. On the other hand I myself love photographs that show a part of a leg or shoulder and the back.

As Mae West once said:

“I speak two languages, Body and English.”

So perhaps without knowing it we have taken all of our trials and tribulations as women and found the perfect outlet to express our feelings and thoughts about the world around us. Dance expressed through the body demonstrates those wordless poems that can only be conveyed with emotional and passionate motion.
Photographs that capture these emotions through movement, poses and attitude, than become timeless and a way we make “our” mark on the world.
“To dance is to be out of yourself, larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”
Agnes De Mille

When I’m on stage I often feel naked because all of me is being expressed through my dance. So my image on stage is many things including the sensual and sexual. Today I have found peace with both therefore my photographs show the viewer the woman that I am and the dance that I represent. Photography shows how comfortable I am with myself. So do we critique photographs by how comfortable or uncomfortable we are with our own body image? It’s only natural to do so. In the end how we view photography says a lot about how we live our lives and feel about ourselves. There is no right or wrong way to view photography. And since your body is a representation of your life impression, photography is what you want it to be. One of my favorite quotes says it well:

Religion says: The body is a sin.
Science says: The body is a machine.
Advertising says: The body is a business.
The Body says: I am a fiesta.
Eduardo Galeano


Thu, March 13, 2008 - 10:21 PM — permalink - 4 comments - add a comment
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"Belly Dancing To Your Own Tune"


My husband Daniel, looked up at me from his desk today and said, “Why don’t you write about dancers performing from who they are instead of performing from who they want to be?” He is always thinking about cool stuff for me to write and this one was a gem! So ladies thank my husband on this one.

Before Daniel suggested this short article I was giving him photographs of myself to copy that were taken years ago. I wanted to show you guys who I am besides Leyla Najma, the belly dancer. One photo is me praying in my medicine dress in the desert around Tombstone, Arizona. The other was me on my Clydesdale mare, Maggie who was doing a curtsy pose. I was dressed in my gypsy outfit riding Maggie for fans who were taking pictures. These are both still me today but the belly dancer has taken precedence for many years. I often wonder how much the medicine woman comes out it me. I am still a gypsy and always will be……..so where is she in my dancing? A while back I wrote an article talking about “Life is a Stage” and this actually coincides with that article.

When I was studying with medicine men and women years ago, I learned to live each day as a rebirthing. My teepee always faced east because we believe that the sun coming up each day is a rebirth. The doors to the teepees are oval in shape so they make you feel like you are stepping out of a womb. This way each day stands on its own and the day before is in the eternal circle of life that has gone back into the Universe. I remember so clearly that I didn’t look forward to the weekends because each day was celebrated and many times I couldn’t tell what day it was. I was actually on “Indian time.”
I feel this celebration when I am on stage performing. Time stands still and doesn’t exist which in many ways is so liberating. This is where I write my script and keep my life lessons alive in my dance. If I live in the moment, than I can keep the memories alive in my heart with vivid details that never fade.

My days as a cowgirl and living in gypsy wagons, Bedouin tents and covered wagons are treasured memories but there are times when I relive those adrenalin moments especially just before I go on stage.
I remember on one particular road trip I was hauling my horses and following another truck in front that was hauling my gypsy wagon. Little did I know that the road was a two lane highway in the middle of nowhere that was down hill for at least 15 miles. I wasn’t told that the truck I was driving had brake problems. The side I was driving on also happened to be on the side of the road that had no railing and a drop of over 30 feet. Half way on the downward incline my brakes gave out and all I could do was to shift into grandma gear and pray. I had to actually turn the truck sideways at the end so the momentum of the horse trailer and my truck going down hill would be at a minimum if I couldn’t stop. Burning brakes, smoke and a few curse words ended the white knuckle experience. I traveled every six months plus or minus a month and that was only “one” of me seeing my life pass before my eyes experiences that I had.
The first time I taught and danced in a workshop show……..my life passed before my eyes. So as you can see there are a lot of similarities….kind of.

Years ago I was lucky enough to experience a spring and fall round up with one of the last working ranches in the Big Bend part of Texas. I was working with some of the best cowboys around, a dying breed.
On one particular brisk morning during the fall round up, we were taking a large herd of Mexican Steers to another part of the ranch. The cattle were skittish and the horses were nervous. You could feel electricity in the air and you could sense something was about to happen. With no warning the cattle took off in a dead run and we were all caught off guard. Within seconds we were all caught in a stampede. My mare was keeping up but she was dodging bushes and jumping ravines at a dead run. If she tripped or if I fell off it would have been all she wrote! You could feel the ground shaking and the amount of focus it took to hold the cattle together was mind shattering. There could be no mistakes or the cattle would have scattered apart and it would have taken hours to get them back together. Fortunately the lead cowboys were able to get in front of the herd and we finally slowed them down keeping them all together. It ended just as quickly as it had begun. The adrenalin rush was coursing through my veins and my horse was shaking from head to hooves from her dead run. We all just looked at each other realizing at that moment that we experienced something that happens maybe once in a life time.
Is this not the feeling we feel just after a great performance. We know when we are on stage all eyes are upon us and that our timing has to be perfect with no mistakes. Our hearts beat at an uncontrollable rate and afterwards we stand in amazement that we're apart of something that was incredible.
So……yes I guess I do bring in all of me when I dance. My script includes all my experiences but than I like to create a different persona now and than just to mix it all up. That’s a woman for you…….we stir the pot for no other reason than just because we can. And you know something…..I wouldn’t have it any other way.


Blessings,

Leyla Najma

The Vision Quest

One day years ago my soul spoke to me..........she was hungry. It was not a hunger that anything from this world could satisfy, it was a hunger that filled me and made me empty inside. When your soul speaks to you, she whispers in your ear constantly until you feed her. As the days passed I couldn't rest and my nights were sleepless. I would wake up and look at the stars and moon wondering what was wrong with me.
I was told that I was shedding the old me like a snake sheds its skin and preparing for the new me. For my completion into the new me, I was told I would need to do a vision quest. It was believed Spirit wanted to talk to me and I needed to present myself to the Grandfathers.
This is not an easy task as I found out. I made Spirit pouches and each one had a prayer in it. The Spirit pouches were filled with tobacco and there were over 200 tied together to create a continual prayer and circle. I than had to go into the mountains and find my sacred space where I would present myself to Spirit.
To prepare for the presentation you fast and meditate, thinking of questions. My soul was so hungry that I had hundreds and hundreds of questions. I thought how could Spirit (God) answer all my questions?
The morning came when I was led to my sacred space following a Medicine man who was to watch over me through out my vision quest.
I watched the Medicine man walk away and I looked around seeing only trees, hearing birds in the distance feeling naked and alone.
My vision quest was for 3 days and 3 nights with only water and no food.

As I sat in my circle, I realized that my soul had lost her voice. She didn't know where to begin or how to present herself to Spirit. I realized how insignificant I really was....perhaps this was because nature is one of his greatest masterpieces and she surrounded me showing no mercy.
The days were hot and the nights were cold and there I sat in my sacred space trying to talk to Spirit. How could my soul lose her voice? Was it that I didn't feel worthy to be in his presence?
I slept restlessly and found that the nights were full of little surprises. Little pebbles were being thrown my way with little foot steps running away from me. At moments I thought I heard laughter and whispering from all around me. The darkness engulfed me and offered no refuge. Was that a growl? Was that a branch snapping in the distance? My mind told me to get up and run but my soul said to stay.
By the third day I was running a fever and I lay down and finally my soul found her voice and said, "You know already what I ask, tell me what I need to know".
The light changed and as I looked in front of me a woman in white walked up to me. She smiled and told me she was my spirit guide. Her hair was in long black braids and she wore feathers in her hair. She said that my questions had been answered that I only had to look in my heart to find them. She said that I had completed my vision quest and Spirit was pleased. She gave me my new Medicine name Morning Bear and she than put her hand on my forehead and I awoke from my vision.
I stood up realizing I could go now and noticed that there was a quiet calm around me. It was as if nature herself recognized the new me. The Medicine man knew my vision quest was over and was waiting for me. He smiled and that was all that was communicated between us. I looked back at my sacred space one more time and realized that the old me was still in the circle. It was good to let her go.

I have taken this gift with me through out my dancing. I share this story with all you so that through out your journey in belly dance you will know it is only natural to grow and change. Create a sacred space and remember to ask Spirit for guidance.
And sometimes it's OK to let go.

War Bonnet

Years ago when I was nineteen I was introduced to my wedding gift, a mare called War Bonnet. Actually to tell you the truth I was told that if I married my ex-husband that War Bonnet would be mine. Looking back I can see that without the enticement of War Bonnet I probably would have declined the proposal. It’s not that I am so shallow, it was just that War Bonnet and I connected and she was a one in a million horse.
Saying that she and I were green as grass is an understatement. But on the other hand she was an appaloosa/quarter horse with the heart of an old soul.

We learned how to work cattle together. Both of us nervous as heck every morning when we would ride out but relaxing as the day ended because we held our own. What was so unusual about her was that I used a hackamore on her and not a bit. She learned to rein with my signals and grumblings and a few swear words here and there. Her ears would go back when she would get mad at me and I would crack up laughing. It was just our way of communicating with each other.

One of my fondest memories of War Bonnet was one of the first round ups either one of us had been on. We worked on a ranch that was thousands of acres with experienced cowboys that looked like they had just stepped out of a John Wayne movie.
On one particular morning we all woke up way before dawn to get a good head start on the day. I thought I was going to die because nobody in their right minds get up at 4:00 in the morning! But a good breakfast prepared us for the ride in the cold morning air. We gathered around with horses breathing hard and anticipation in the air. Breaking away from the group we than made our way to the designated locations to round up the Mexican steers scattered all about the ranch.
There’s nothing like watching the earth wake up and to see the sun cast his first rays of light on the mountains. As if on queue, the birds started to sing letting everyone know it was time to wake up. Yes, now I know why I woke up so early.
As the morning wore on we gathered up cattle everywhere we went with only a mountain in the distance as a landmark. I was enjoying myself when it finally happened……I had to work a section of the ranch by myself and any cattle I found I had to head them toward the mountain in the distance. My heart was pounding and War Bonnet started to get anxious. She knew we were on our own. Little did I know that it was decided earlier to let me go out on my own to see if I could handle myself like the guys. So off War Bonnet and I went into the unknown ready to do our part and to successfully fulfill our task. Actually we were both scared !@#$#!less.
One hour passes and than two hours pass and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of any cattle. Smiling to myself I thought, “Well this was easy”. War Bonnet was pretty proud of herself too. We were just about to boast to ourselves when all of a sudden we came across a large group of cattle at a watering hole.
“Damn!”
Ok we can handle this. Now for those of you who don’t know cowboy etiquette, there is a certain call each cowboy has when he finds cattle and gets them up and moving along. Each call or sound is unique and says a lot about the cowboy.
Hum…….what was mine? Hell if I knew but I knew I had to come up with something quick. As I was sitting there thinking, War Bonnet was telling me with her gestures that she didn’t care what I came up with just to get something out so we can get on our way!
“Ok……I think I can do this…..oh damn”!
Little did I know that I had been followed by a group of the cowboys and they were hiding on a ridge watching me figure out what I was going to say. The cattle didn’t budge and looked at me with disdain in their eyes.
Alright here I go………
To this day I don’t know why this particular word came to my mind, maybe it’s a girl thing. But I gathered all my confidence and strength and yelled out “Shoo!!!”
You would have thought that lightning struck the very ground where War Bonnet and I were standing on. The cattle took off at a thunderous roar and I was so pleased with myself. That was until I could hear laughter from the ridge behind me. The group of cowboys watching me came over to where we stood laughing hysterically with tears in their eyes saying that was the funniest thing they had ever seen.
War Bonnet’s ears went back and I think mine did too. Her tail went up in the air and if I would have had one, mine would of too. With a flick of her tail we trotted off ignoring the laughter and feeling relieved that we had at least done our part. I was left wondering why the Hell of all the words I could have used why I used that word!

Belly Dance and the Feminine Image

History shows us through paintings that the veil came to symbolize the untouchable and tantalizing appeal of women in the Middle East. To show just a little part of the body was alluring enough to cause men to pine for women’s affection. If we look at 19th Century paintings of various scenes of women dancing, the look of the belly dancer is quite refined. The distinctive folds in the belt or the accessories from the ankle all the way to the headpiece tell the individual story of each dancer. This is how dancers from the past to the present set themselves apart from their contemporaries.
I can remember seeing “Cleopatra” starring Elizabeth Taylor for the first time and thinking how beautiful the costumes were and how much fun they would be to dance in. “Samson and Delilah” with Hedy Lamarr is my all time favorite biblical movie and her costumes inspire me even to this day. Claudette Colberts costume in the 1934 “Cleopatra” looks like a costume of today. Hollywood had very unusual ideas about what the women from the Middle East wore. But if we look back through time the belly dance costume really hasn’t changed all that much. This really surprised me because as I was doing my research it became apparent to me that when you have a good design it’s hard to improve on it.

Recently I danced with a wonderful group of performers who were Asian dancers. Their costumes were amazing and I have to admit that I felt a little out of place in my cabaret costume. Their movements were very subtle and their gestures very soft and poetic. Which made me wonder what kind of poetry would belly dancing be? When it was time for me to perform I realized that our music really says a lot about our image. My costume was like magic because it made me feel free enough to dance and tell our story within my movements and gestures. In some ways I felt an obligation to relate to the audience that what I do as a dancer and performer is serious and respected. But I have to question why I even felt the need to defend my costume and dance form. The dancers with their movements almost seemed to speak to me teasingly asking me why I wasn’t covered more. Maybe I was just hearing my own voice questioning this. After I finished my dance the response I received overwhelmed me. It became apparent to me that because of the difference of my costume and dance the audience was able to appreciate the culture that I represented. Costuming really does make the difference for people. It’s almost as if the audience can see the story within our movements all the while watching our costumes accenting each word danced through our bodies.

Years ago when I was in Cairo I was able to see Zuhair Zaki dance live and as I look back I realize how lucky I was to have seen such a legend perform. Zuhair Zaki is the total sum of what the belly dance image is for me. Every movement told a story and helped me “hear” the music. I was taught a very good lesson that night because I saw what a masterful dancer can do with music. I also saw Zuhair Zaki become the essence of belly dance as she performed. It wouldn’t have mattered what she wore or where she was. The spirit of the dance was in her and you could see it and feel it. These are those spiritual moments that change you forever!
A few weeks later I saw Dina perform and was totally surprised at the sexual innuendos that emanated from her dance. The image of belly dance changed that night for me because I had assumed that provocative gestures were not allowed. Actually let me take it a step further, I didn’t think it was necessary. But somehow Dina made it work for her and as I watched her performance I saw that she did a wonderful job. Her sexuality never got in the way of her performance. It enhanced her movements and I understood at that moment that Dina chose to dance free of any inhibitions or restraints her world put on her.

As a modern woman I often wonder how close my image is to women back hundreds of years. Our evolution as women has never been more evident than in the belly dance world. If we look at the dance of the seven veils the removal of the veils represent seven earthly illusions that fall away with each veil. In order for us to become the total feminine archetype in myth these veils must fall from us so we can transcend into the Goddess. As with all myths I wondered what these seven veils of illusion were because I had a suspicion that we may still be portrayed within this myth today. It became apparent to me that each illusion had an opposite side to it. So here’s my version of the seven illusions.
1. The Virgin-Temptress
Many dancers have both abilities to enchant their audiences by offering the untouchable innocence of movement combined with eye contact that teases with a fleeting look.
2. Intrigue-deception
The ability to captivate our audience is a major part of our story telling but with all stories we must tell the audience that what intrigues them is only an illusion. This in itself can be perceived as a deception because we work so hard on the illusion that at moments it may become real.

3. Mother-Sex Goddess
Both of these describe the dilemma all women come across through out their careers. While we dance as women who understand what it means to carry and give life we are also expected to be proficient in the art of love. The illusion for most people is that we can be both but they want the two separate.
4. Wise woman-Childlike Innocence
The knowledge a dancer puts in her performing sets her apart from the average dancer. Knowledge is power and our movements speak volumes in regards to our history. The illusion here is that while we dance with experience our audiences to a certain degree want a virtuous dancer that will give them an unsullied look at our dance.
5. Wife-Mistress
In our dance we are compelled to perform from places of the heart. At least some of our music has this impassioned theme in certain songs. As women we feel the need to complete ourselves which is why we search for our mate. The mistress on the other hand is compelled to search outside of this completion which in itself is the wife’s mirror opposite. We distance ourselves from the mistress personification yet in the eyes of our admirers the hope is that they get a glimpse of her.
6. Muse-transmutation
Poetry and music speak of the dancer that takes her audience to places of sublime heights. As dancers we are the muses of our times. At the same time we experience the audience that doesn’t understand our dance and they try to alter it to fit their perception of the world. We than become a misunderstood version of our own poetry.
7. Diva-modest maid
A dancers self confidence has to come across to the audience or they will be sorely disappointed. Many fans expect a confident woman during and after shows. Yet I have found that dancers can almost believe too much in their personas that they create. We can get caught up in this illusion just as much as anybody. The catch here is to know when to turn your dance persona on and off.

As belly dancers we inspire so much in people and our allure isn’t just the pretty costume, it is what we signify as women.
My question is do we understand what it is that we represent for so many? I have worked with a few women who were disassociated from their body image. They had no clue how beautiful they were because they bought into mixed messages from the media and cultural attitudes. How comfortable are we in the position of the archetype for today’s women? If we can’t get past the door of self appreciation, than I don’t see us in the forefront of today’s feminine society. Let us not forget how immeasurable we are as women. Our dance helps us create our own personal myth in which we than can escape into our own feminine image.

I have often wondered that after creating our feminine image, do we than transform gradually into her? Isn’t this really what belly dance does? We heal and than become the women we are intended to be. This is how I believe the essence of belly dance lives and thrives through each generation of women. If we can understand our own image than we can be living examples of what belly dance is and the veils of illusion than become nothing more than invisible restraints that disappear through our own transformation. In this sense we than are reborn into women, who are comfortable in their own body, mind and spirit. And there is no better way to express our dance than by embracing who we are and dancing with veils of our choice.

The Mystique of the Student Rival

The Mystique of the Student Rival

One night I was sitting outside looking up at the stars after a very hectic day at my studio. Many thoughts crossed my mind that night but there was one that was most prominent. And I must admit this thought was uncomfortable because it became apparent that some of the students that I was working hard on coaching and teaching had ideas of fame and fortune way before they were ready to handle it. Why was it uncomfortable you may ask, it was
uncomfortable because it was obvious I was teaching students who wanted to leap instead of walk towards their dance goals. Of course it’s only natural for students to want to speed things up but it’s also important as a teacher to help students understand that dance must be learned in its own time. I think this is where negative experiences come from; dancers performing before they are ready. With dance there are many venues and there are certain protocols with each venue that must be learned, “first.” As teachers we share our own personal experiences from our journeys in dance and we shape and mold our curriculum accordingly. This also means teaching etiquette along with instruction. This being said, what do we do when we have an occasional student who wants fame more than she wants training or etiquette?
What became apparent in class was an individual drive by a specific few to get ahead at all costs. It’s not always easy to see this as a teacher and sometimes a dancer can hide it quite well. I can remember an instance when a student wanted me to perform with her but she wanted me to be a back up dancer for her. What I was being asked to do was watch her teach a class up on a stage and follow her instruction. I told her I supported her a hundred percent but that she should do the venue on her own. It’s tough knowing how to word your opinion and not hurt a students feelings. If I would have been her back up dancer, the teacher-student relationship would have been lost forever because than she would have seen herself in my shoes. My shoes fit only me and my size and besides that my shoes took years to wear in and get comfy.

Years of training students has blessed me with seeing a few dancers that were exceptional in our dance. Some of them have gone on and are dancing and gracing our stages with their amazing talent even today. Than there are those students that are exceptional but who go off thinking the world owes them. The impatience of these dancers can be so costly. One student in particular had great potential but she was impatient and wanted to dance everywhere immediately. I was dancing at a restaurant at the time and would occasionally get calls for parties on the nights I was dancing. So I sent her out in my stead to a few parties and requested that she give my card out if anyone asked for one since I was the contact person. I found out that she gave out her cards and told the people to call her if they ever needed another dancer. To some of you who are not acquainted with our dance etiquette, it is protocol to give out the card of the person who sent you to a job, especially if it is your teacher. I don’t ask for a percentage, I just ask my dancers to perform professionally and do a good job. My student than became my competition after a few more gigs and I realized that not only was she taking money away from me but she was doing it right under my nose. So I did what any decent teacher would do, I tried to kick myself in the pants and move on.

Dancing at restaurants can really give a dancer a chance to work on her form and technique. Years ago I had a student night at a restaurant that allowed my girls to perform on Wednesdays. It gave them a chance to experience dance in a public setting that was safe and welcoming. I had a few students that really enjoyed dancing and danced most of the Wednesdays. After awhile I noticed that some of these students started to come to class less and less yet they still insisted on dancing at the restaurant. So I had to let them know that while I was proud of them, they had to continue with class so they could get in more training. To my surprise one student told me that she was told by a customer that she was as good as the weekend dancers and why wasn’t she dancing on the weekends? Come to find out this customer was her husband and he said this infront of their friends who all thought the same thing. Yet not one of the friends or husband had come to a show on the weekends so they could actually see the difference between professional dancing and student dancing. She insisted on auditioning for the weekend shows and wanted to be paid for her Wednesday performances. What I had worked out for the girls was dinner and they kept their tips. So I told her the decision for the weekends would be up to the owner not me but that I felt she wasn’t ready for an audition. She got angry and left my studio and didn’t return but decided to go to the restaurant owner herself to get an audition. I was informed by the owner that she came in and that he told her she was not ready for an audition because she needed more training. She told him about what a “customer” had said and unfortunately this peaked his interest. So he gave her an audition and I was asked to be there to give him my opinion of her performance. Well as you can imagine I had plenty to say but I kept my cool and I went the night she was to audition. Like I thought, she bombed and she was mortified. It was a hard lesson for her to learn and for me to witness. She left and I never saw her again and I found out through the grapevine that she stopped dancing. There is not one teacher out there that ever wishes for this type of lesson on any student. But sometimes the Universe has no choice but to show the harsh realities of what can happen when you lose your humility. And as her teacher there was nothing more to be said.

Sometimes when you work well with your students it can be easy to forget the teacher-student relationship. Let’s face it our students are some of the coolest people on the planet and shows and venues can be a lot of work. Having good help can make a huge difference in the outcome of a show. The important thing is to make sure you don’t bring in a student as an equal into a show before she has paid her dues with experience. I learned this the hard way almost two years ago with a show that a dance friend and I collaborated on. I brought in my student because she had a theatrical background. She became the third producer of the show and that is when the problems began.
Once she became a producer our relationship changed and I noticed that the respect that she once had for me was slowly slipping away. At the end of the production our relationship had taken a nose dive. Unfortunately there was no going back to what I had established with her. The one thing that I did was create my nemesis because I gave her a taste of what took me years to learn and understand. Weeks later after the show premiered she wanted to take the show on the road and I had to say no. I didn’t do this to be mean, I did this because I felt she needed to do things on her own as I did so she could appreciate what it takes to earn her place in her community. Without knowing it I gave her a false sense of authority that eventually was used on some of the other dancers to their chagrin. Lessons like this one can take months to evaluate and reflect on. Sometimes when I look back I feel like I lost something that can never be replaced but than life teaches us that we must continue on our path. Looking back keeps us from seeing what is infront of us.

What can any teacher do when she has worked with a student and has shared with her all her hard earned knowledge and the student runs with her curriculum? This includes; choreography, style, and verbiage. A wonderful mentor of mine, Romana Frasson taught me a lesson in teaching that I will never forget. She said that I had to teach from experience and the heart in order for my students to believe in me. Sometimes this can be a double edged sword. Because when we put so much of our passion into our classes, we can lose ourselves in the lesson. Once a student learns her teachers curriculum and has success with understanding the lessons and methodology, she than becomes the end result of a joint effort. We hope that students take what they learn and carry on the message and training. But sometimes what we thought we taught our students can get lost in agendas and issues. This is a phenomenon that baffles me to no end. I have dance friends who have taught students for years and all of a sudden I’ll notice that the student is gone and there is no mention of ever studying with their former teacher. It’s almost as if the years of mentoring became lost and ended up on the way side of obscurity. What these dancers don’t understand is that they take away with them the years of experience their teacher gave to them. At the same time do any of these students feel any loyalty after they leave? Looking back at some of the students who left my studio, I haven’t heard a peep from them and I occasionally see them. Sometimes we just have to let it be and know everybody is where they need to be.

This is one of those topics that can create a lot of emotional upheaval in many dancers. I know it does with me. And let’s face it there are two sides to every point of view. Only after I became a teacher did I finally understand what my teachers went through. It took me sitting outside that one starry night thinking about my students to finally appreciate the role my former teachers played in my dance career. Maybe once we appreciate what we have learned in our dance can we stand on our own two feet and say “Thank you” to all those teachers who helped make us what we are. Than I thought to myself is it really this easy? What is the real problem when we teach students and the relationship goes sour? How can anybody know the true story of each dancer that walks into her studio or learns her choreography? If a student is willing to take a curriculum from a teacher and claim it as hers, than we have to look at what we are really dealing with. What creates this phenomenon starts with principals and values kept aside at a young age. If the home place is dysfunctional to start with for any student, than we end up dealing with the side effects that tickle down and materialize into various problems. The signs aren’t always easy to see until problems emerge. But if we could understand better the characteristics of a student rival than we could prepare ourselves to cope with this dilemma

The Business side of a Spiritual Path

Most dancers will tell you that belly dancing is a spiritual awakening of the soul. Others awaken from a deep sleep and learn what it is like to really live. For myself I became a little girl again and understood what becoming a woman was really all about.
With each move we learn, grow and when we put together combinations and create dances and choreographies we show the world our knowledge of who we are. Each choreography represents our path and how much we change with the seasons. Dance gives us that connection to mother earth but what happens when we become successful and we forget our purpose?
As of lately I have felt that I have forgotten my dance purpose which started out as a passion so intense that it engulfed my life and choices. I did it because there was nothing else I knew I was suppose to be doing. Today as a woman older and wiser I smile at this younger version of myself and wish I had half her determination.
It's not so much that I don't feel the passion, it's just that I have had to become a business woman to keep my dance going. I enjoy what I do, I just realized that sometimes the spiritual path takes a back seat to the business side of dance.
I've been wondering of late if the two can co-exist with each other or if by nature they need to be separate?
If we look at Cleopatra she was a good business woman. Egypt prospered under her rule and she was the embodiment of Isis through out her life. Perhaps there is much to learn from this because our temples never die out if we carry within us the fires of our passions.
After so many years I am wondering if my temple fires were forgotten. And I think it happened slowly so I didn't see them ebb. Looking back at where I stand today I can see that the one thing that was so natural for me to keep going when I was young became the same old routine as I got older. The fires didn't change.......I did.
It occurred to me that what I have to pass on to dancers that come my way is a way to keep their fires burning.
It became clear to me that our spiritual path has to be full of our hopes, aspirations and dreams. The business side helps to make all of these a reality. So in a way they co-exist together as a parallel team. So keep the passion that burns inside you fresh and new. Remember the best part of your path is the journey along the way. Just remember why you walk your path so that you always keep inside the reason for dancing. When you make your dreams come true the business side just reinforces that you have always been on the right path.

Egypt Reborn

I was watching the "Mummy" again for the upteenth time and realized why I love this movie so much is because it reminds me of my days in the early 90's when I was living in Cairo. The soul of Egypt takes hold of you and she never lets you go. She stays inside of you and lingers always reminding you that to exist without her is not existing at all. So she possessed me and lives inside me.

I have never been more at home in any place than Egypt. The market place will always be my favorite place to visit. The smells, sounds and whispers of every day life and life lived for thousands of years walks with you everywhere you go. It's like the past, present and future have no idea that they must exist seperate. They come together and create timelessness. I think that is why I felt so alive because I existed for the day and lived life to its fullest as each moment passed.

To say traveling to Egypt is a spiritual experience is an understatement. She is the cornerstones of time and her soul encompasses the spiritual, mystical and magical. All three exist together and create the divine elixer of life.
You can feel Isis, Bastet, Hathor, Sekhmet and Maat surround you and embrace you whis