The American Silk Road

Through out the year there have been many experiences and lessons that have taken me to places I never expected. There were roads less traveled that caught my attention. Walking down them made me realize that we can’t always learn our lessons from conventional methods. And I also learned that I can say no to a lesson that keeps coming back. An African Priestess who mentored me years ago told me that we can always say no to the Universe and that our request will be honored. I know what some of you may be thinking; how can I say no especially if it is a lesson that is necessary for my growth? Sometimes in our gut we know when there is a lesson that comes around that just isn’t necessary. Realizing this can release the chains of “society expectations”
that we carry around with us on our journey through life.

Our American heritage tells added to the melting pot of the dance world. In many ways our lives are intermingled with each other to the benefit of all of us and to the detriment of all of us.
This leads me to new insights gained from this year, insights that surprised even me. With each step I took with my yearly path of my dance education I realized that years from now maybe none of this will matter. Because I realized that in the end all that really matters is how I create my dance for myself. Does my dance end with me or will it live long past my dieing breath? Does my mark on the belly dance world even matter?

Is life like a catalogue where we can pick and choose what we want just as long as we intend the right things? This can become so vague because everyone has their own agendas. What is right for one person might not be right for another. How each dancer walks her path to me is a big deal. I usually will look at a dancers portrayal of how she views dance because it is a good indication on how she lives life. And one of my surprises for this year was that just because someone has been in this business for years doesn’t mean that they don’t carry insecurities with them all the way through their journey. It is as if the insecurity in itself is a precious bundle that she carries along with her to insure that in the end it will all validate why she walked her journey the way she did. Is she “me” as well? Do I carry my insecurities with me only to make sure I intend things just validate why I carry them around? I found the answer to be yes and this was the biggest surprise of all!


Walking still further I realized that there will be those who come after me who will hear the whisperings of my name and wonder who I was. So early in the year starting in March I made a solemn vow to myself to bring solutions to various problems that dancers come across on their path. I heard the complaints even from my own mouth and realized that the answers have always been visible and accessible. I just was so busy complaining I couldn’t see the
answers that were right in front of me. My surprise was how easy the answers are to see once one is willing to look. Adding to this I noticed there are those who will not look under any circumstances because to see would invalidate their complaints. It is amazing to see that those who complain help the rest of us find the solutions and in doing so we walk our paths with greater ease. So this is one of the aspects of the melting pot we are all apart of and this is what makes walking the American Silk Road the greatest lesson of all. How we walk says a lot about how we live and how we live says a lot about who we are.



So if you are wondering what lesson it was that kept coming around the corner; well lets just say that I realized my place in my community has a lot to do with how I feel about myself. I paid my dues along time ago and those who were trying to remind me of my place did me a favor. I finally looked down the road I have traveled and realized I have come a long ways. And as the saying goes, “I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”

Happy New Year and may your journey on the Silk Road be everything you can imagine and more. As Henry Ford once said
“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.”
So make this year count and just do it!

Blessings,

Leyla Najma

In The Beginning..........

Many students/ dancers who write in to me and tell me a little about themselves are doing so because there is a need and desire to connect with someone who understands. And I am here to let all of you who write me know that I do understand.

In the beginning of my belly dance travels I couldn't find a teacher for at least two years. I traveled working cattle so that meant I lived in remote areas. So I started to buy videos and practice when I had the chance. But like many of you I longed to connect with someone who could show me how to dance and become the belly dancer of my dreams. After searching for a long time I found a wonderful dancer who took me in and started to teach me the foundation movements. As most beginners I was hungry for every move she taught and I had such enthusiasm that at times she felt a little overwhelmed. My first teacher was not so much a teacher as she was a performer. Her heart was on the stage and after about 4 months of dance class one day she told me she was no longer teaching me. No explanation was given and as my heart dropped I knew this meant I was again in a position where I had to find another dance teacher. My next teacher was a great inspiration but she let me know that she was already an accomplished dancer and that most probably I would not become her caliber for many, many years. This didn't deter me at all.
What I did find with my second teacher was a disconnect between her and me that made me realize that if I am learning from someone who thinks only of herself than there isn't much of a relationship. If a teacher doesn't look out for you than you know you have someone that sees the world that revolves around only them and there is no room for you.

When we get a move or we accomplish a choreography, we want someone there who understands and claps and yells with us. There is no better feeling in the world than to be with people who understand what it takes to belly dance. Sometimes our families can be happy for us but they don't always understand either.
I remember one time I finally was able to do a group of combinations and there was nobody around except for my horses, goats, geese and chickens. I was actually outside practicing in front of them. As I was yelling and jumping up and down the horses started to run, the chickens and geese ran around me and my goats were kicking up in the air. It was pretty funny and I will always remember that moment.
Another time when I was practicing outside my big draft horses thought it was time to get their heads scratched. So they would come right up to me and stick their big heads in my way. So as I said before our families don't always understand what we are going through especially if they are the four legged kind.

Standing and looking down our belly dance path can be pretty daunting at times especially if we can't see the forest for the trees. It can all become a blur and this is why a teacher is so important to most students. She can take those rose colored glasses off and give a student a different way of looking at movement, music and choreography. But like some of you I had to look for the right teacher. In the end I was very lucky because I have studied with amazing and talented dancers/choreographers/teachers through out my travels. So as I have said before I understand how most of you feel. I have been there and the one thing that I would like for all of you to know is that I do read what you write. Some of you make me smile because I remember similar experiences that you write about. I remember the years without a teacher and this is one thing that I would like to change for anyone who is experiencing this now.

Most of you who are beginners are going through your own rights of passage. We all have done this especially those dancers who have been dancing for years like myself. Know that you are not alone and that as I progress with my 0n-line videos and get them out to each and every one of you, I think of the emails you send me and hope that I can create solutions to some of your problems.

As my favorite saying goes;

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle"

The Belly Dance Agenda
The Feminine Symbol

For most dancers walking into a dance studio is refreshing, enlightening and therapeutic. Since women today have so much on their plates, it is important to find something for themselves so they can find their own identity besides the mother, wife, and co-worker identities. In todays society we need to make sure that we keep our sanity.
There are many reasons why women dance and there are even more reasons why women want to express life and its meaning through dance. With the history of dance and what it represents for so many there can be no denying that a woman dancing in ways where she is undulating forward and back like a snake or moving her hips side to side is a powerful feminine symbol.

Is there not a question that is under the breath of each admirer or fellow dancer which is, “Does the dancer know what she represents?” Do we represent that which is most important to us or do we represent what people want to see in our dance. Is it even possible to separate the two since for most performers our job is to entertain the masses and this means being that which is in the eyes of the beholder? This is why belly dancing is so magical for so many, we become the symbol for each and every admirers imagined heroine.
Whether we be the temptress, virtuous dancer or wanton woman there is no other dance that signifies all three together.

There can be the chance that we become “idols of perversity” only because women have been misunderstood for so long. And having so many students come to me in class made me aware that even we are not sure how to see ourselves as women.
Isn’t it amazing that we have created such a history that would be nothing without us. And yet if you talk to young women today they don’t know much about women of the past such as Hatshepsut, Empress Theodora, Elizabeth 1 of England just to name a few. And what is heart breaking is much of the records kept on many influential women through out history is incomplete because women were not thought worthy of mention. What of the women of dance who we don’t know because of the times in which they lived.

When we dance at any given time we must look at what happens to our state of being in the moment of each move, step and turn. Learning dance is one thing but than you must take it into you and create your own voice through your movements. This is how each dancer stands out because she voices her dance from how she lives her life which comes through in her movements. Even still perhaps this is why we have been apart of history for so long because women can create a voice that not only is heard but captures the attention of all who are watching her. Today we are noted and we have taken a stand to be appreciated within our time and to be written into history.

This dance itself can be a huge part in your history and how you have lived your life. Look at the women of today who have paved the way for us to be able to learn this ancient dance form. This means look at your teachers and appreciate what they are passing on to you. Remember that this dance is passed down from generation to generation and think of which generation you are apart of. The belly dance symbol includes how each generation treats each other, how we remember our past and what kind of future we are creating for our new generations. The belly dance agenda is the same for all of us. We all must keep the fires burning so that history shows what we really symbolize.
And this symbol is different for every woman so think about what you want to symbolize in this dance and what you stand for. In a way you will be creating your own history that is worth remembering.

Somewhere in Time

Somewhere in time I felt and experienced life and my soul remembered.
Seeing what the soul remembers can change everything in ones life.
It all has to do with trusting the memory and knowing the path ahead is the right one.
Sometimes we see what doesn't make sense but to the soul, it makes perfect sense.
How does the soul explain to the heart that what lies ahead is the right path?
How does the heart than explain to the mind that walking the path is safe?
How does the mind than converse with the emotions that are uneasy with the path?

My soul always seems to know when I don't know.
She takes me by the hand and guides me through life so that I can remember.

Somewhere in Time I lived and learned and loved.
Perhaps many times but there are those few memories that seem to stay with the soul.
These memories can stay with someone through time so that they can be remembered.
This life time I choose to remember what my soul reveils to me.

Isn't this the lesson?

When we understand the memory than we can walk our path knowing it is apart of the path we walk today.
And one day a long time from now how we have lived this life and have walked our path will be remembered in our soul.

Somewhere in Time this life will be remembered.

Free Beginner On-line Classes

Beginner students be on the look out for my on-line classes
that I created just for you. When you write in and tell me what problem areas you have, I look to see what I can do to help you out.
There are so many combinations and moves in belly dance that through practice, time and diligence, will become integrated into your body and become yours. I can’t tell you how many times I worked and worked on specific moves and finally was rewarded with that natural comfortable look.

The important key element in dance is to understand the muscle area that you have to work in order to do any specific move. Be aware of your weight and how you carry your weight. This will help with your transitions steps.
Belly dance is a form of dance that not only makes you aware of your body in a different way but you have to learn to isolate upper and lower body movements. Your body is a story teller and it is important to look at each combination and movement as part of a script. Combinations have to work within the story so you need to make sure that your script is easy to follow.

When some of you wrote in your problems it became apparent to me that there needs to be instruction that is easily accessible to dancers. So this is why I am working hard at making sure that you have lessons that are available to your specific problems. The free on-line classes should be available within a week.
Also I am creating a library for beginner dancers that is in the works. Hopefully we will have it up with the next couple of months. But for now enjoy these free classes that will be coming your way shortly.

Blessings,

Leyla Najma

The Vision Quest

One day years ago my soul spoke to me..........she was hungry. It was not a hunger that anything from this world could satisfy, it was a hunger that filled me and made me empty inside. When your soul speaks to you, she whispers in your ear constantly until you feed her. As the days passed I couldn't rest and my nights were sleepless. I would wake up and look at the stars and moon wondering what was wrong with me.
I was told that I was shedding the old me like a snake sheds its skin and preparing for the new me. For my completion into the new me, I was told I would need to do a vision quest. It was believed Spirit wanted to talk to me and I needed to present myself to the Grandfathers.
This is not an easy task as I found out. I made Spirit pouches and each one had a prayer in it. The Spirit pouches were filled with tobacco and there were over 200 tied together to create a continual prayer and circle. I than had to go into the mountains and find my sacred space where I would present myself to Spirit.
To prepare for the presentation you fast and meditate, thinking of questions. My soul was so hungry that I had hundreds and hundreds of questions. I thought how could Spirit (God) answer all my questions?
The morning came when I was led to my sacred space following a Medicine man who was to watch over me through out my vision quest.
I watched the Medicine man walk away and I looked around seeing only trees, hearing birds in the distance feeling naked and alone.
My vision quest was for 3 days and 3 nights with only water and no food.

As I sat in my circle, I realized that my soul had lost her voice. She didn't know where to begin or how to present herself to Spirit. I realized how insignificant I really was....perhaps this was because nature is one of his greatest masterpieces and she surrounded me showing no mercy.
The days were hot and the nights were cold and there I sat in my sacred space trying to talk to Spirit. How could my soul lose her voice? Was it that I didn't feel worthy to be in his presence?
I slept restlessly and found that the nights were full of little surprises. Little pebbles were being thrown my way with little foot steps running away from me. At moments I thought I heard laughter and whispering from all around me. The darkness engulfed me and offered no refuge. Was that a growl? Was that a branch snapping in the distance? My mind told me to get up and run but my soul said to stay.
By the third day I was running a fever and I lay down and finally my soul found her voice and said, "You know already what I ask, tell me what I need to know".
The light changed and as I looked in front of me a woman in white walked up to me. She smiled and told me she was my spirit guide. Her hair was in long black braids and she wore feathers in her hair. She said that my questions had been answered that I only had to look in my heart to find them. She said that I had completed my vision quest and Spirit was pleased. She gave me my new Medicine name Morning Bear and she than put her hand on my forehead and I awoke from my vision.
I stood up realizing I could go now and noticed that there was a quiet calm around me. It was as if nature herself recognized the new me. The Medicine man knew my vision quest was over and was waiting for me. He smiled and that was all that was communicated between us. I looked back at my sacred space one more time and realized that the old me was still in the circle. It was good to let her go.

I have taken this gift with me through out my dancing. I share this story with all you so that through out your journey in belly dance you will know it is only natural to grow and change. Create a sacred space and remember to ask Spirit for guidance.
And sometimes it's OK to let go.

War Bonnet

Years ago when I was nineteen I was introduced to my wedding gift, a mare called War Bonnet. Actually to tell you the truth I was told that if I married my ex-husband that War Bonnet would be mine. Looking back I can see that without the enticement of War Bonnet I probably would have declined the proposal. It’s not that I am so shallow, it was just that War Bonnet and I connected and she was a one in a million horse.
Saying that she and I were green as grass is an understatement. But on the other hand she was an appaloosa/quarter horse with the heart of an old soul.

We learned how to work cattle together. Both of us nervous as heck every morning when we would ride out but relaxing as the day ended because we held our own. What was so unusual about her was that I used a hackamore on her and not a bit. She learned to rein with my signals and grumblings and a few swear words here and there. Her ears would go back when she would get mad at me and I would crack up laughing. It was just our way of communicating with each other.

One of my fondest memories of War Bonnet was one of the first round ups either one of us had been on. We worked on a ranch that was thousands of acres with experienced cowboys that looked like they had just stepped out of a John Wayne movie.
On one particular morning we all woke up way before dawn to get a good head start on the day. I thought I was going to die because nobody in their right minds get up at 4:00 in the morning! But a good breakfast prepared us for the ride in the cold morning air. We gathered around with horses breathing hard and anticipation in the air. Breaking away from the group we than made our way to the designated locations to round up the Mexican steers scattered all about the ranch.
There’s nothing like watching the earth wake up and to see the sun cast his first rays of light on the mountains. As if on queue, the birds started to sing letting everyone know it was time to wake up. Yes, now I know why I woke up so early.
As the morning wore on we gathered up cattle everywhere we went with only a mountain in the distance as a landmark. I was enjoying myself when it finally happened……I had to work a section of the ranch by myself and any cattle I found I had to head them toward the mountain in the distance. My heart was pounding and War Bonnet started to get anxious. She knew we were on our own. Little did I know that it was decided earlier to let me go out on my own to see if I could handle myself like the guys. So off War Bonnet and I went into the unknown ready to do our part and to successfully fulfill our task. Actually we were both scared !@#$#!less.
One hour passes and than two hours pass and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of any cattle. Smiling to myself I thought, “Well this was easy”. War Bonnet was pretty proud of herself too. We were just about to boast to ourselves when all of a sudden we came across a large group of cattle at a watering hole.
“Damn!”
Ok we can handle this. Now for those of you who don’t know cowboy etiquette, there is a certain call each cowboy has when he finds cattle and gets them up and moving along. Each call or sound is unique and says a lot about the cowboy.
Hum…….what was mine? Hell if I knew but I knew I had to come up with something quick. As I was sitting there thinking, War Bonnet was telling me with her gestures that she didn’t care what I came up with just to get something out so we can get on our way!
“Ok……I think I can do this…..oh damn”!
Little did I know that I had been followed by a group of the cowboys and they were hiding on a ridge watching me figure out what I was going to say. The cattle didn’t budge and looked at me with disdain in their eyes.
Alright here I go………
To this day I don’t know why this particular word came to my mind, maybe it’s a girl thing. But I gathered all my confidence and strength and yelled out “Shoo!!!”
You would have thought that lightning struck the very ground where War Bonnet and I were standing on. The cattle took off at a thunderous roar and I was so pleased with myself. That was until I could hear laughter from the ridge behind me. The group of cowboys watching me came over to where we stood laughing hysterically with tears in their eyes saying that was the funniest thing they had ever seen.
War Bonnet’s ears went back and I think mine did too. Her tail went up in the air and if I would have had one, mine would of too. With a flick of her tail we trotted off ignoring the laughter and feeling relieved that we had at least done our part. I was left wondering why the Hell of all the words I could have used why I used that word!

Belly Dance and the Feminine Image

History shows us through paintings that the veil came to symbolize the untouchable and tantalizing appeal of women in the Middle East. To show just a little part of the body was alluring enough to cause men to pine for women’s affection. If we look at 19th Century paintings of various scenes of women dancing, the look of the belly dancer is quite refined. The distinctive folds in the belt or the accessories from the ankle all the way to the headpiece tell the individual story of each dancer. This is how dancers from the past to the present set themselves apart from their contemporaries.
I can remember seeing “Cleopatra” starring Elizabeth Taylor for the first time and thinking how beautiful the costumes were and how much fun they would be to dance in. “Samson and Delilah” with Hedy Lamarr is my all time favorite biblical movie and her costumes inspire me even to this day. Claudette Colberts costume in the 1934 “Cleopatra” looks like a costume of today. Hollywood had very unusual ideas about what the women from the Middle East wore. But if we look back through time the belly dance costume really hasn’t changed all that much. This really surprised me because as I was doing my research it became apparent to me that when you have a good design it’s hard to improve on it.

Recently I danced with a wonderful group of performers who were Asian dancers. Their costumes were amazing and I have to admit that I felt a little out of place in my cabaret costume. Their movements were very subtle and their gestures very soft and poetic. Which made me wonder what kind of poetry would belly dancing be? When it was time for me to perform I realized that our music really says a lot about our image. My costume was like magic because it made me feel free enough to dance and tell our story within my movements and gestures. In some ways I felt an obligation to relate to the audience that what I do as a dancer and performer is serious and respected. But I have to question why I even felt the need to defend my costume and dance form. The dancers with their movements almost seemed to speak to me teasingly asking me why I wasn’t covered more. Maybe I was just hearing my own voice questioning this. After I finished my dance the response I received overwhelmed me. It became apparent to me that because of the difference of my costume and dance the audience was able to appreciate the culture that I represented. Costuming really does make the difference for people. It’s almost as if the audience can see the story within our movements all the while watching our costumes accenting each word danced through our bodies.

Years ago when I was in Cairo I was able to see Zuhair Zaki dance live and as I look back I realize how lucky I was to have seen such a legend perform. Zuhair Zaki is the total sum of what the belly dance image is for me. Every movement told a story and helped me “hear” the music. I was taught a very good lesson that night because I saw what a masterful dancer can do with music. I also saw Zuhair Zaki become the essence of belly dance as she performed. It wouldn’t have mattered what she wore or where she was. The spirit of the dance was in her and you could see it and feel it. These are those spiritual moments that change you forever!
A few weeks later I saw Dina perform and was totally surprised at the sexual innuendos that emanated from her dance. The image of belly dance changed that night for me because I had assumed that provocative gestures were not allowed. Actually let me take it a step further, I didn’t think it was necessary. But somehow Dina made it work for her and as I watched her performance I saw that she did a wonderful job. Her sexuality never got in the way of her performance. It enhanced her movements and I understood at that moment that Dina chose to dance free of any inhibitions or restraints her world put on her.

As a modern woman I often wonder how close my image is to women back hundreds of years. Our evolution as women has never been more evident than in the belly dance world. If we look at the dance of the seven veils the removal of the veils represent seven earthly illusions that fall away with each veil. In order for us to become the total feminine archetype in myth these veils must fall from us so we can transcend into the Goddess. As with all myths I wondered what these seven veils of illusion were because I had a suspicion that we may still be portrayed within this myth today. It became apparent to me that each illusion had an opposite side to it. So here’s my version of the seven illusions.
1. The Virgin-Temptress
Many dancers have both abilities to enchant their audiences by offering the untouchable innocence of movement combined with eye contact that teases with a fleeting look.
2. Intrigue-deception
The ability to captivate our audience is a major part of our story telling but with all stories we must tell the audience that what intrigues them is only an illusion. This in itself can be perceived as a deception because we work so hard on the illusion that at moments it may become real.

3. Mother-Sex Goddess
Both of these describe the dilemma all women come across through out their careers. While we dance as women who understand what it means to carry and give life we are also expected to be proficient in the art of love. The illusion for most people is that we can be both but they want the two separate.
4. Wise woman-Childlike Innocence
The knowledge a dancer puts in her performing sets her apart from the average dancer. Knowledge is power and our movements speak volumes in regards to our history. The illusion here is that while we dance with experience our audiences to a certain degree want a virtuous dancer that will give them an unsullied look at our dance.
5. Wife-Mistress
In our dance we are compelled to perform from places of the heart. At least some of our music has this impassioned theme in certain songs. As women we feel the need to complete ourselves which is why we search for our mate. The mistress on the other hand is compelled to search outside of this completion which in itself is the wife’s mirror opposite. We distance ourselves from the mistress personification yet in the eyes of our admirers the hope is that they get a glimpse of her.
6. Muse-transmutation
Poetry and music speak of the dancer that takes her audience to places of sublime heights. As dancers we are the muses of our times. At the same time we experience the audience that doesn’t understand our dance and they try to alter it to fit their perception of the world. We than become a misunderstood version of our own poetry.
7. Diva-modest maid
A dancers self confidence has to come across to the audience or they will be sorely disappointed. Many fans expect a confident woman during and after shows. Yet I have found that dancers can almost believe too much in their personas that they create. We can get caught up in this illusion just as much as anybody. The catch here is to know when to turn your dance persona on and off.

As belly dancers we inspire so much in people and our allure isn’t just the pretty costume, it is what we signify as women.
My question is do we understand what it is that we represent for so many? I have worked with a few women who were disassociated from their body image. They had no clue how beautiful they were because they bought into mixed messages from the media and cultural attitudes. How comfortable are we in the position of the archetype for today’s women? If we can’t get past the door of self appreciation, than I don’t see us in the forefront of today’s feminine society. Let us not forget how immeasurable we are as women. Our dance helps us create our own personal myth in which we than can escape into our own feminine image.

I have often wondered that after creating our feminine image, do we than transform gradually into her? Isn’t this really what belly dance does? We heal and than become the women we are intended to be. This is how I believe the essence of belly dance lives and thrives through each generation of women. If we can understand our own image than we can be living examples of what belly dance is and the veils of illusion than become nothing more than invisible restraints that disappear through our own transformation. In this sense we than are reborn into women, who are comfortable in their own body, mind and spirit. And there is no better way to express our dance than by embracing who we are and dancing with veils of our choice.

Dancing to Your own Tune

My husband Daniel, looked up at me from his desk today and said, “Why don’t you write about dancers performing from who they are instead of performing from who they want to be?” He is always thinking about cool stuff for me to write and this one was a gem! So ladies thank my husband on this one.

Before Daniel suggested this short article I was giving him photographs of myself to copy that were taken years ago. I wanted to show you guys who I am besides Leyla Najma, the belly dancer. One photo is me praying in my medicine dress in the desert around Tombstone, Arizona. The other was me on my Clydesdale mare, Maggie who was doing a curtsy pose. I was dressed in my gypsy outfit riding Maggie for fans who were taking pictures. These are both still me today but the belly dancer has taken precedence for many years. I often wonder how much the medicine woman comes out it me. I am still a gypsy and always will be……..so where is she in my dancing? A while back I wrote an article talking about “Life is a Stage” and this actually coincides with that article.

When I was studying with medicine men and women years ago, I learned to live each day as a rebirthing. My teepee always faced east because we believe that the sun coming up each day is a rebirth. The doors to the teepees are oval in shape so they make you feel like you are stepping out of a womb. This way each day stands on its own and the day before is in the eternal circle of life that has gone back into the Universe. I remember so clearly that I didn’t look forward to the weekends because each day was celebrated and many times I couldn’t tell what day it was. I was actually on “Indian time.”
I feel this celebration when I am on stage performing. Time stands still and doesn’t exist which in many ways is so liberating. This is where I write my script and keep my life lessons alive in my dance. If I live in the moment, than I can keep the memories alive in my heart with vivid details that never fade.

My days as a cowgirl and living in gypsy wagons, Bedouin tents and covered wagons are treasured memories but there are times when I relive those adrenalin moments especially just before I go on stage.
I remember on one particular road trip I was hauling my horses and following another truck in front that was hauling my gypsy wagon. Little did I know that the road was a two lane highway in the middle of nowhere that was down hill for at least 15 miles. I wasn’t told that the truck I was driving had brake problems. The side I was driving on also happened to be on the side of the road that had no railing and a drop of over 30 feet. Half way on the downward incline my brakes gave out and all I could do was to shift into grandma gear and pray. I had to actually turn the truck sideways at the end so the momentum of the horse trailer and my truck going down hill would be at a minimum if I couldn’t stop. Burning brakes, smoke and a few curse words ended the white knuckle experience. I traveled every six months plus or minus a month and that was only “one” of me seeing my life pass before my eyes experiences that I had.
The first time I taught and danced in a workshop show……my life passed before my eyes. So as you can see there are a lot of similarities…kind of.

Years ago I was lucky enough to experience a spring and fall round up with one of the last working ranches in the Big Bend part of Texas. I was working with some of the best cowboys around, a dying breed.
On one particular brisk morning during the fall round up, we were taking a large herd of Mexican Steers to another part of the ranch. The cattle were skittish and the horses were nervous. You could feel electricity in the air and you could sense something was about to happen. With no warning the cattle took off in a dead run and we were all caught off guard. Within seconds we were all caught in a stampede. My mare was keeping up but she was dodging bushes and jumping ravines at a dead run. If she tripped or if I fell off it would have been all she wrote! You could feel the ground shaking and the amount of focus it took to hold the cattle together was mind shattering. There could be no mistakes or the cattle would have scattered apart and it would have taken hours to get them back together. Fortunately the lead cowboys were able to get in front of the herd and we finally slowed them down keeping them all together. It ended just as quickly as it had begun. The adrenalin rush was coursing through my veins and my horse was shaking from head to hooves from her dead run. We all just looked at each other realizing at that moment that we experienced something that happens maybe once in a life time.

Is this not the feeling we feel just after a great performance. We know when we are on stage all eyes are upon us and that our timing has to be perfect with no mistakes. Our hearts beat at an uncontrollable rate and afterwards we stand in amazement that we're apart of something that was incredible.
So……yes I guess I do bring in all of me when I dance. My script includes all my experiences but than I like to create a different persona now and than just to mix it all up. That’s a woman for you…….we stir the pot for no other reason than just because we can. And you know something…..I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Learning to Howl Like a Wolf

Learning to Howl like a Wolf

Excited doesn’t even come close to how I felt on the day I was to have a photo shoot with two wolves Raven and Forest at the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary in Ramah, New Mexico . Raven who is a pure Black-phased Timber wolf is a retired ambassador for the sanctuary and Forest who is a pure Timber wolf is the new ambassador.
I made arrangements with photographer Michael L. Miller and the director of the sanctuary, Leyton Cougar and even got up at 4:00 in the morning in preparation for our 2 hour drive. We planned and prepared and even had a professional make up artist on site. In my mind I was going to be Leyla the warrior belly dancer living amongst the wolves…….ok quit rolling your eyes! I’m sure the wolves themselves would have howled with laughter. Little did I know that my fantasy was quite the illusion.
As we walked towards the enclosures where the wolves were kept my heart was pounding a mile a minute. Laughing and talking excitedly we all anxiously kept up a fast pace to the front gate to the large enclosure. That was until Leyton said, “We’ll have to see if Raven will allow you to be next to him. And there may be a chance he won’t want his picture taken.”
You could have heard a pin drop with the deafening silence that followed his statement. It was as if time stood still and my moment of “Leyla the wolf woman” vanished with the wind. It served me right because when you work with wild animals you are working on their schedule not yours.

Fortunately I already had been around Raven and he knew me so he was excited to see everybody. Whew….that was a close call and my heart started to race again. Once I was beside Raven it occurred to me that the images of photos in my head were unrealistic. Raven was calling the shots throughout the entire photo shoot and I was left standing by myself on numerous occasions or basking in his glory by my side. And I would love to say that he was by my side because he really liked me but the truth of the matter is that Leyton had me rub lip balm all over myself because Raven loves the smell. So here I am rubbing lip balm all over me so I can get this gigantic wolf to come over and take his picture with me. He came over immediately and all of a sudden he just started to rub himself all over me! There were moments I thought we were both going to tumble off the rock ledge that we were perched on. The funny thing about it was that there was no way to look stylish because I was holding on to this large boulder for dear life while at the same time I was dealing with wolf saliva being drooled all over me. Oh yes I forgot about the wolf drool……..actually I didn’t even think about it! And since it had just rained a few days earlier, I also had mud being rubbed all over me along with the wolf drool. And do any of you know how wolves smell? Not only did I learn but I ended up smelling like one. And a word for the wise; just remember that your costume will take a beating too!

As we walked around I noticed a lot of birds flying above in the air watching us curiously. They just happen to be Ravens. It’s really interesting to note that Ravens and wolves are connected to each other. This is because the Ravens help the wolves find food and then the Ravens get to eat the left overs. At times it almost seemed like they were our audience because there were so many of them. The large enclosure where we were taking the photos had enclosures on either side of it with other wolves watching us as well. So it was interesting to note that the Ravens and the wolves had confused and perplexed looks on their faces kind of like some audiences. Sound familiar?
At the end of the first photo shoot with Raven, I crawled off the rocks only to see to my dismay that I had scuffed up and tore the heels of my new boots. So, just about every part of my costume that has a tear or smudge on it still reminds me to this day of what a wonderful and amazing experience it was. Bizarre as it may seem I almost felt like I went through a right of passage.

Furthering this right of passage was my next photo shoot with Forest. For this next photo shoot I dressed in my gothic, gypsy outfit with a little bit of Elvira in it. So off we went back to the same enclosure to see what was in store for us with Forest. Fortunately all it took was hotdogs for Forest to come over to me and I didn’t have to rub any of them on me. But I’ll tell you all a little secret, when Leyton first took out the hotdogs I was a little worried!
Forest was such a gentleman and he even gave me a few kisses here and there. But after while he stood beside me looking at Leyton with a pleading look on his face as if saying, “Are we done yet”? Fortunately the occasional hotdog did the trick and we were able to get in some good shots. To Michael’s dismay though, Forest thought his light reflector that he was holding in his hand was a new toy and Forest went right for it. I wish I would have had the camera on the both of them as Michael was trying to pull the reflector from Forests mouth. Leyton had to come over and make Forest give it up and pry his mouth open. I have never seen a wolf cry but Forest whined and whined over having to let go of what he thought was his new toy. So obviously this ended the photo shoot with Forest getting reprimanded and Michael having his reflector back but with a few extra bite marks on it.

Understand that if any of you are going to have your photos taken with wild animals you are entering their world and their timetable. Make sure you do your homework and work diligently with the animal trainer or handler. Anything can happen in a split second so you must be focused and aware at all times.
Leyton is one in a million and he is known as the “Wolf Whisperer”. Leyton has 62 wolf and wolf dogs at the sanctuary that he and volunteers care for. Over the past two years I have had the pleasure of seeing Leyton handle the wolves with amazing grace. The wolves’ body language is so astounding when Leyton walks by their enclosures. Since body language is one of the oldest languages on the planet, I found watching the wolves move reminded me of an ancient dance form being performed with deliberate grace. Their sinuous movements had the timing of any well versed choreographer. I also noticed that Leyton respects the wolves and he looks at every one of them as individuals with characteristics all their own.

To say that patience is a virtue while working with wild animals is an understatement. It took all day to get in a variety of shots. And after it was all said and done, I was exhausted. Plus I smelled like I had been in the wild for days with the hint of lip balm. And just so you know I had lip balm in places I never would of thought putting it! In the end it was all worth it because both Raven and Forest taught me a great lesson; they reminded me to be in the moment and this was the most precious gift of all.